Things We Learn From Movies

• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
• It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.  No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
• You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language.  A German accent will do.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over.  It will always be the exact fare.
• The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• A cough indicates a terminal illness.
• A credit card or a paper clip can pick any lock in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• A gang of highly-trained terrorists will always separate and search for an intruder making it easier to kill them off one-by-one.
• An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur does no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
• Any kid or dog can wonder through an artillery barrage without injury while half the outfit gets wiped out.
• Assassins will always wait till the very last moment to assemble their complex sniper pistol that's the size of a rifle.
• Bad guys kill their henchman for failing, yet never run out of loyal henchmen.
• Characters shot with guns will fly backward, or upward and backward, through the air, the laws of physics not-withstanding.
• Crashing cars always burst into flames.
• Deranged killers only escape when a thunderstorm has knocked out all power and telephone lines.
• Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw it away. You'll find another.
• Having a job makes fathers forget their sons' birthdays.
• High-class strippers with a heart of gold can operate heavy machinery.
• Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down with days of their retirement.
• If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just run a bath (even in the middle of the day) and then look in the bathroom mirror. There he is.
• If a main character dies, his sweetheart back home will have a nightmare at that exact moment.
• If a phone line is broken, the best way to restore communication is to frantically beat the cradle while yelling, "Hello? Hello?"
• If a soldier tries to look up an old buddy who was transferred to different unit, the buddy will be dead or will die shortly there after.
• If the person you are chasing has just taken the elevator down from the 20th floor, you can get to the street first by taking the stairs.
• If you need to diffuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You always choose the right one.
• If you're a woman who has just finished a steamy love-making session, you will pull the sheets up to your neck.
• If you're ever caught up in a misunderstanding that could be quickly cleared up by a simple explanation, keep your mouth shut.
• In all high school or college classrooms, the teacher or professor will always be interrupted in mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell.
• In emergencies, anyone can fly a helicopter.
• In the event of a car chase, two men will carry a large pane of glass through the streets for you to drive through.
• Never assume that anyone is dead unless their death was spectacular.
• No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up three more times. Therefore, leave his gun in his hand while you turn away to comfort the girl.
• One man has a better chance of shooting twenty men than twenty men have of shooting one man.
• Television news always features a story that affects you personally, at the precise moment you turn on the TV.
• The first shot or burst of fire from a bad guy always misses and is there merely to announce that a fight has be-gun.
• When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are the best weapons.
• When they are alone, foreigners speak English to each other.
• Whichever tree branch the hero has perched on, the villain will invariably pause under it.
• Women are always too hysterical to do what the hero instructs. He has to help her/force her/knock her out.
• Women make a noise at the precise moment the villain is close enough to hear.
• You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.